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Kissers are reptilian Bat-like creatures with no eyes and huge red lips from the jungles of planet Moldar. They sense their prey’s body heat with sensors in their lips and then attack it with an energy-draining kiss. This is actually very brief and steals only a little bit, so they will do it to several people leaving none of them, save the occasional sensitive type, any the worse for wear.Many say this is perfectly acceptable and as, in fact, kissing has been proven to be good for teeth and burn off calories, should be allowed to happen. Others say the heck with it, they are still going to carry guns and keep them fully loaded with pacifiers.

This is also incorporated into their mating ritual. While they mate they participate in a very sensual embrace and kiss. The energy-draining still takes place but since it is a mutual prospect the end result is the same, except that they have swapped energy, resulting in a much tighter bond. Kissers who for some reason decline to participate in this behavior usually leave their mates after a few days and get a new one, and repeat the cycle until they contract a disease which they then transmit to all of their victims and start a planet-wide epidemic.

What, then, are we supposed to make of this behavior? “Use condoms,” the skeptics say, before leaving for a big night on the town. But there are two much deeper and more appropriate lessons to be learned here. First, it is like the love itself between a(n) [insert gender here] and a(n) [insert opposite gender(s) here]. When Person A loves Person B instead of itself, and vice-versa, it amounts to the same thing except that they have gained character, maturity and other things like that, and have formed a much tighter bond. Second, simple gestures of affection and intimacy are needed to make a relationship work. When nobody takes a few seconds from their busy schedule to give their spouse a kiss, a hug, or something else, their relationship becomes a chore. Discussing and arguing over budgets, child discipline and everything under the suns becomes its only aspect. They treat each other as business partners. Eventually they decide that the whole mess is their spouse’s fault and get a new one, somehow and mistakenly believing that it won’t happen a second time. Most of the Kissers have learned this, and perhaps someday more "intelligent" races will as well.

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